Family sucks

• I don't think I know a person with a nice story to tell.
• I am surrounded by the losers that ridiculed me growing up.
• I like to take full Ambien and see how long I can stay up for before it finally puts me under.
• The finally hour or so of this process can produce some interesting writing, ramblings, conversations, emails, and so forth. Very odd to be confronted with something you have no clue where it originated. Basically, it is a cationic state - a wakeful period of induced-sleep that is not remember. Does more genuine, real information get revealed?
• I just took one.
• Talked to mom - she's tired, maybe sick, kitchen work not complete Sister has Alzheimer's and family does not visit, the husband is sick. While my mom visits everybody and says she wants to, she suddenly has nothing to offer - says sister lives too far and nobody ever pays her. NICE.
• My idiotic brother is going to dump his retirement savings - withdrawal all funds and buy a double-wide trailer on 5 acres. Plus he said he could pay off car and get a truck and he'd never have another bill Really? Really? That shit box mobile home will last another 50 years? No plumbing, roof, floor, etc issues? You going to pay taxes on the land? Furniture? What about the above ground pool? cha ching to keep running. He's a fucking idiot with no clue on doing anything that isn't stupid.
• My other brother is happily married to his daughter's mother-in-law (first wife died last year). Hows that for a redneck arrangement? Negates the need to learn new people. His kids are drug addicts and reclusive, but mom says it isn't his fault since he was never around while leaving kids with alcoholic drug abusing ex wife. Read those last two sentences - fuk yeah it is/was his fault. 
• My sister says her laptop won't work at her employer - told her to get them to examine? I said I would pull it apart but it is much too far to drive to my house.
• Dad is an asshole - pure and simple - see earlier post for more details.

Meanwhile 

• My life spirals out of control - the depression is a less-than-fun amusement park. Nobody seems to notice as I hide it well. I keep skipping approved lunch.
• The only white collar member of family dealing with all blue collars.