Amends

The most recent post provides some details of some bad shit I did in the past, and it made me think about working on being clean (yes, one of those STEP programs) aka not being high (or drunk) as was the case much of the time back then. Anyway, here are the two steps closely aligned with trying to correct past mistakes:

• Step Eight: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
• Step Nine: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Now, I've finished step eight with no problems since the list was relatively easy to compile since I have a good memory, and I am more than willing to face these persons to actually make amends - I've actually done most on the list, but there are a few (esp in that previous post) where it just isn't possible since I think contacting them would disagree with the "...would injure them..." portion of step nine. No, it wouldn't injure them physically, but I think they'd be very angry/upset to see me again, I don't think they ever want to see me again. Is it odd, a bit disorienting, to realize there are people you'll never see again - especially ones that were a very big part of your life at one time.

Anyway, I'd like to physically complete these steps, but I don't want to hurt certain people any more, so I hope they will someday learn that I am truly sorry and I am trying to be a better person  these days, I sincerely hope their lives are going well.