For my co-workers

Don't take this the wrong way, but ...

1. I honestly don't care about your kids. They are yours, not mine.

2. Seriously, a lunch of cabbage and sausage warmed up in the microwave?

3. We're not friends, you and I both know we'd never talk if one or both of us left this place.

4. Do not approach me from behind and read my computer screen.

5. I don't care how hot you think the redhead in the first cube on the left is.

6. Yes, I have watched The Office, and no you do not look just like Andy.

7. No, I don't think our office would make a good reality show.

8. I don't need the specific reason you are missing work, just take your f'ing personal day already.

9. Your email program has a spell check feature, you illiterate f**k.

10. Do not talk to me at the urinal. All men know to stand staring straight ahead - you are allowed to talk once you leave the restroom. Wait, don't talk to me then either.

11. Hand sanitizer does not count as washing your hands.

12. Seriously, flip flops and a stained t-shirt? You're the reason HR has to create casual day dress guidelines.

13. Nobody is irreplaceable - not me, you or all of the idiots upstairs.

14. Dude, you're working late because you sat at your desk gossiping and cruising the Web all day.

15. You don't know me or my personal life so your idiotic, borderline racist comments do offend me.

16. It is scary how awful your wife looks in that glamour shot on your desk.

17. It's great that you love Jesus, keep it to yourself while at work.

18. Extra change in my desk is not yours. And don't say you borrowed it, because that implies payback.

19. Pay attention, nobody eats your vegetable pizza at potlucks - you have nine cats that apparently shed everywhere.

20. Meetings do not equal a captive audience for your inane blabbering.

21. We're all proud of your Stairway to Heaven cell ringtone, just answer the f'ing phone already.