That hurt

There was an interesting conversation with my mother a little less than two weeks ago. The talk focused on a recent birth in the family when dear ole mom turned the conversation to myself by expressing her dismay with my failure to become a father stating "..you would've been a great father to somebody.." Yeah, it sounds quite innocent and maybe a little sweet until you hear the rest of the story (think Paul Harvey). I have been a step-father to a young man for over 15 years. Okay, technically not my official title since there has never been a marriage, but we love each other, are committed to each other and we have been together since the boy was one, so I'm thinking that counts as being a father to "somebody" - this explains why momma never remembers his birthday or has much to do with him. The second point is there has been attempts at making me a father with a couple miscarriages in there and dear old mom knows all of this quite well - really, there were incidents before the current love of my life, so it kinda cements the fact that it is a personal defect. Anyway, how can her comment be viewed anyway but malicious? I have thick skin but her comments hurt me and as I think about it realize it contributed to my mood hitting the skids the past couple weeks.

I've only told a couple people about what happened and they've all expressed surprise. Okay, let me confirm that the story is true since some may question it based on recent post on lying, seriously, this did happen. Anyway, mom is a self-centered woman who doesn't see much past herself and really has little to do with most of her grandkids. She likes to play the victim and normal conversations with her are not possible (unless they focus positively on her). She loves to point out the faults of others (esp her kids), so any discussion with her is out of the question. The result has been my avoiding her the past couple weeks - I haven't called her but once (when she called me repeatedly). This isn't the first time something like this has happened, but this is by far the worst, so I continue to process and accept what happened while trying to move on. It is a strike against our relationship that can't be prepared since she's basically rejecting the family I have formed over the past two decades.

I am never amazed by the damage a parent can do, but it is astounding that it continues to hurt me.