Gone again

It is easier, or easier, to live without something that you never had - yes, you may want it badly but there is no firsthand knowledge of actually having it so it is pure speculation about your life with it. Wow, that is a very roundabout, unfocused sentence. The deal is my youngest brother returned to me a few monts ago. He contacted me after an absence stating he was finished with drinking and ready to get his life together. I was apprehensive at first, but slowly accepted and supported his plans/work all the while basking the having actual brother. We started having normal non drunk conversations, we did things together and the family was reconnected a bit. Fast forward to a few weeks ago when there was an incident with his youngest son resulting in him returning the boy to his mother a month earlier than planned. The incident details is not important, but his reaction to it is very important. He was understandably upset which led to a reason to drink and give up hope - the decision was that simple, and now I think he was just looking for a reason. The selfish complaint is I lost my brother and family once again. I should have known better than to fall for his crap about totally giving up the bottle. It leaves me wishing I'd never had the brother experience - no, I'm not wishing his demise, but rather always have a strained relationship and leave it at that so I never feel the warmth of such a relationship thus i'd never know what I am missing.