Missing

I had a dream the other night, I was with her and we were doing nothing momentus but it was wonderful. The dream has left me shaken. There hasn't been a day that I have not thought of her, but the dream was so real - too real, my heart dropped when reality sank in as I sat up in bed. Oh, our time together was wonderful while it lasted, but then the gig was up. It was the most difficult time in my life - pushing me to the brink of my own sanity. While it was my own fault, I put myself in a position to lose. I felt like I had to make a choice and I chose the little man that I raised. That sounds great as I read it, but let me tell you that it never felt so great. I couldn't walk away from him, feeling as I would be turning my back. Honestly, I couldn't, I just couldn't be my dad. That is probably too dramatic, and maybe it would have been okay. No, I'll never know, but I do know that it was and is love. The kind you only have one chance at - I was a different person with her, a very happy person. Without her, I drank and sunk into a deep depression, but I'm functioning ok these days. She was the first person to really get me (if that is possible.) There are many that still question the whole thing, but it was a special connection that can never be put into words. The old saying of 'better to have loved and lost than to never have loved' is perplexing and I'm not so sure I agree. This empty feeling and longing would be gone if I would have never opened my mouth. Just think, I would've still had the best friend of a lifetime - the laughs and great times. Love is a word I never casually toss about, and it is something that will never stop. It does hurt terribly that I'll never see her again, but I was blessed for a small sliver of time. I like to hope that she won't haunt me forever, but I now realize this feeling will be with me to the end. Knowing her, I'm sure she'd be happy to know that she left a mark - a gash. I never doubted that she'd be snatched up by a lucky man who would make all her realize all her dreams. I love her.