Mid-life crisis

I want to call it a mid-life crisis, this thing, this thing that is and has been happening to my mind, body and spirit.

• I suddenly feel old at 45 years of age. Yes, it is old, but 65 and 70 and 75 is much, much older.
• I regret having no children. Actually, I always wanted a child of my own but she always said no. We sorta tried over the years with no success other than a couple miscarriages. I know I should not have paid for horse riding lessons.
• I do have a step-son, well sort of step-son due to the technicality that he and his mother have never formally or officially tied the knot. For all sense and purposes, he is my step son.
• He does occasionally call me step dad (when wanting money).
• The stepson knocked up a girl a few years younger - out pops a baby boy nine months later.
• I am now a grandfather, or am I? A sorta step-grandfather?
• I spend half of my free time during a week with this little bundle of joy.
• He laughs, he cries, he poops, he pees, he slobbers, he jibber jabbers, he is precious.
• The only arguments about creating children resurface - she's now 45 so not the best age to go into labor. I contemplate fucking a younger girl - could I even find one? How would it be? I am suddenly excited.
• Nothing makes you feel old like a four month old baby staring into you old, wrinkled eyes. It strikes the point that there was so much you were going to do and did not, repeat, DID NOT!!
• Am I too old at work? out of date, over the hill to work with the young inductees into the development environment. I was writing code when they were still playing with themselves in the shed.