Alcohol ruined my family

The worst part of my brother returning to downing a bottle of bourbon a day is having a few months - well, almost a year - with him sober. It was a stark contrast to the current dark days as I had a brother, I had a family, I had a friend. He's five years older than me, but we grew up together. He protected me, stepped in when dad was absent. Our brother and sister are four years older, so they hung together. It was an obvious split to all who observed it. He started drinking as a teenager, all the while keeping me from it - not like I would have ever started anyway.

Unless you've lived it - and many have, growing up in an alcoholic family is devastating to the human spirit. You don't know trust, you don't know normal or calm - all you know is chaos. It's funny as an adult, I work best when the environment is chaotic. Those normal, boring days leaving me spinning - leave me depressed as I don't know what to do. Alcohol has flowed freely through the family for years:

• Dad was and is an alcoholic. He's a terrible person who tries to hide it as he sits at 74, his body and mind ravaged.
• Dad's dad died in his fifties - body ravaged by alcohol.
• Sister drinks daily, she does it in secret thinking nobody knows. We all know. Yes, all of those "accidents" we all know are alcohol related. I sympathize with all of your anger as I feel it to, but you needed to find healthy outlets - wish it could've been different.
• Nephew's life is chaotic due to drug and alcohol abuse.
• Brother-in-law goes nowhere without a beer. His red face and good-time charlie demeanor is sickening.
• Uncle left bourbon bottles (fifths) everywhere - under car seat, under couch, in linen closet, in the garage, ... his daughter (my cousin) is the exact same.
• Oldest brother drinks steadily, weighs a ton - a heart attack waiting to happen.
• Mom is in denial - she is controlling and codependent. Is she a dry drunk?

My brother stopped just over a year ago - this time he dove head first into AA and life was different. Of course, he had stopped a year before that (no AA or counseling) but it only lasted six or so months. He said this time was different. He led AA groups; he worked the steps; he worked the traditions; he had a sponsor; he had two sponsors; he was a sponsor; he talked openly about his problems; he was a brother; he existed; he was present; there were normal conversations; we rode bikes; we watched the same shows; he bought a car; he showed up at mom's house; he talked to his kids - basically, I had a brother. Quick aside, I always wanted a dad, always wanted a brother.

Anyway, it is all gone now. He plunged into the dark waters of Old Forester about the same time his daughter called him out for being non-existent in her life - this was when she graduated high school and wanted him there (six hour drive). He disappeared from my life around that time. The late night phone calls - the drunken ramblings, the weird Obama rants on Facebook, his fascination with work (it's all he has), his disappearance from any and all family events (they are rare). I kick myself for stupidly being sucked into the facade of having a brother. He's weak, he's a fool, I am done with him. I won't fall for the game again. I know he'll always be a drunk, always be unreliable. He is my father. I vow:

• I will never see my dad again. All of the horrible things he has done over the years have been resurrected in my mind. The next time I see him will be to make sure his corpse is not breathing.
• I will not answer any calls from my brother after 6:00 PM. Anything after that and it is assumed he is hammered and will ramble incoherent booze-laden bullshit. I am expecting the worst this time - I hope I am wrong.
• I am not going to play the "let's pretend all is normal" with my mom and my sister's erratic behavior. She disappears for weeks - well, she doesn't talk to any of us via phone, email, text or anything. Her random injuries are clearly alcohol related. Seriously, an injury late night Saturday and you don't realize the injury until you wake up the next day? Always sick? Always working late?
• I have no plans to ever see my oldest brother again. Really, we never had a relationship - he's ten years older than me and left for Army at 18 (do the math). He changes jobs monthly, his kids are ridiculous drug addicts/liars, and he speaks nothing but bullshit. 

Groups like Al-Anon want those in this position to accept the drunk, know it is a disease that ruins them. I agree it is a disease, but I am done with letting the disease affect me on a daily basis. I am going to live what remains of my life without their crap.

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