Waiting ..

It usually ends without warning - awake and the world is again a friendly place, but that hasn't happened. People tell you to be a man and get over it, but how do you do that when you don't know what 'it' is? The last decade is littered with appointments, prescriptions and lots of talking ... yet, here we are again. Vigorous exercise fails to dislodge it and work is almost impossible due to a lack of focus. One thing weird is there used to be a time when these episodes seemed to be productive, well that was the manic days that have left me, now there are only dark periods. The best description is a large hole inside me that can't be filled - just infinite emptiness.

I sit and wait.